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There is no sunshine when she's gone...
life sucks
mahogany_love
When I got my rejection letter from the Nonfiction program, I knew it was bad.  I've always loved writing but never thought it was good enough or that it would bring me any money. If it weren't for the prodding of a teacher, I never would have applied. I love her for the inspiration she gave me. For months before the letter, I felt great about everything. Then it came. I said I was fine. Honestly I thought I was. Then my therapist pointed out that I was sleeping... a lot. Then I realized i was angry. I was honestly angry. The anger eventually turned into resentment. Not against anyone else, but more for myself for 1. not being good enough and 2. not being good enough and applying to such a prestigous program.  I stopped caring about school, half did my homework and thought about not getting into grad school. I decided I would live in Iowa City for another year. Then I got into Loyola and the game plan changed. I told all the teachers who helped me get in. They all told me not to give up writing because of the rejection. I told them I wouldn't.  I promised them I would spend the summer reading, trying to refine my craft, learning the ways of the masters. I didn't realize I already had given up on writing. Aside from homework assignments for class, I have not written anything in Months!  Anything. A few of my friends from my writing classes have asked what I've been working on, and honestly I keep telling them nothing. I have no drive in me to put my narratives down on paper or have them appear on the screen. I'm just tired of it. But a part of me, that hasn't been creative in months and just spent 4 years learning how to write keeps trying to form an offensive. I'm really not sure what it is going to take to get me back in the mood. I've been reading a lot, as I promised I would, but no nonfiction. My feet won't let me woke up to the 2nd floor to the library, unless it's to use the computers.  I don't know how to get back into writing. I keep remembering freshman year when I wrote that one awesome story that I am still proud of today. Also I'm not sure how to start getting back into writing w/o the drive of classes. This might be the end of me as a writer. 

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If writing is something you want to do, then this is something you'll get over. I read something a while ago that said the best writers are the ones that know that it's not something anyone or anything can take away from you - you might go through down periods, but in the end, if writing is something that's important to you you'll find your voice again.

I hope you do. It sounds like you miss it, and you write good stuff.

I haven't written much in four years. Freshman year seemed to kill my desire to write for some reason. Maybe it was being around all you great folks....good luck getting back in the game!

I haven't quite given up totally....maybe I can get back into it with the right idea or motivation...

I've considered myself a writer for most of my life and I've had many of these periods when
I lose not only my confidence but also my drive... And yeah, it's difficult (and painful) to say "I'm a writer!" when you're not actually writing.

But don't think it won't come back to you. Continue to write SOMETHING--hey, even LJ/blog entries are writing, aren't they? And emails, and chats, and Facebook messages... I even find I think like a writer, organizing and editing my thoughts into narratives. And I imagine out scenes and stories that I don't put on paper.

And sometimes you just have to strap yourself down and WRITE, even if it's complete crap and you know it. Heck, try some of those freewriting exercises where you have to keep writing for ten or fifteen minutes and can't stop. Let it flow.

I've found it's hard for me to write when I don't have to do it for a class...if I have a deadline looming over me, usually I can get some draft out of me to work with. Maybe once you have classes again you will be more motivated? Or you could ask friends to give you deadlines and look over your stuff?

Otherwise, just be patient. It will come back to you. *hug!*

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