- There is no sunshine when she's gone...
- June 20th, 2009
When I got my rejection letter from the Nonfiction program, I knew it was bad. I've always loved writing but never thought it was good enough or that it would bring me any money. If it weren't for the prodding of a teacher, I never would have applied. I love her for the inspiration she gave me. For months before the letter, I felt great about everything. Then it came. I said I was fine. Honestly I thought I was. Then my therapist pointed out that I was sleeping... a lot. Then I realized i was angry. I was honestly angry. The anger eventually turned into resentment. Not against anyone else, but more for myself for 1. not being good enough and 2. not being good enough and applying to such a prestigous program. I stopped caring about school, half did my homework and thought about not getting into grad school. I decided I would live in Iowa City for another year. Then I got into Loyola and the game plan changed. I told all the teachers who helped me get in. They all told me not to give up writing because of the rejection. I told them I wouldn't. I promised them I would spend the summer reading, trying to refine my craft, learning the ways of the masters. I didn't realize I already had given up on writing. Aside from homework assignments for class, I have not written anything in Months! Anything. A few of my friends from my writing classes have asked what I've been working on, and honestly I keep telling them nothing. I have no drive in me to put my narratives down on paper or have them appear on the screen. I'm just tired of it. But a part of me, that hasn't been creative in months and just spent 4 years learning how to write keeps trying to form an offensive. I'm really not sure what it is going to take to get me back in the mood. I've been reading a lot, as I promised I would, but no nonfiction. My feet won't let me woke up to the 2nd floor to the library, unless it's to use the computers. I don't know how to get back into writing. I keep remembering freshman year when I wrote that one awesome story that I am still proud of today. Also I'm not sure how to start getting back into writing w/o the drive of classes. This might be the end of me as a writer.